The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table (in front of her kids.)
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey watch this."
Your junior prom had a daycare.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.